I have decided, for now, to retire from selling.
It’s taken me a really long time to come to this decision and it was a very hard one to make. I truly love selling and adore my customers. About 8 months ago, however, I lost a person who had inadvertently become a sort of partner in this business. Continuing without him has been very hard, but I kept trying.
Then, with the worst year of my life finally behind me, I started 2021 with a bang: a positive Covid test. I am lucky that it was not much more than an inconvenience, but my symptoms linger – and I’ve lost my sense of smell. I haven’t been able to read my DMs lately (more on that later) but when I could, buyers and followers would ask how I am, just a polite question, and I started to feel bad saying I’m ‘okay’ or ‘alright’ when, physically, I’m really not very well. I’m so tired.
And then there’s the mental. Mentally, I am absolutely fucked.
Taking a break from selling, and being off work while I was in isolation, gave me a lot of time to think about things. I can’t deny it any more. Losing my King, my soul mate, the love of my life, my dream come true, and my reason for living, has thrust me into dark and cold depression, and it is getting worse each day. Too many things remind me of him, of us, of what I had, and of what I’ve lost. And as odd as it may seem, selling is near the top of that list.
He wasn’t a customer, but I wouldn’t have met him if I wasn’t a seller. So it’s very difficult to separate him from this. He is a huge part of what selling became for me, and I don’t think that can ever be undone.
I can’t be a panty seller if I can’t look at myself. If my reflection sickens me and breaks me down. If I have to close my eyes and try not to cry when I take pictures and videos for my customers. If the thought of sex or even just being flirted with fills me with confusion, regrets, and dread. If I have to psych myself up and mentally prepare myself to simply open the IG and Twitter apps. If I can’t even bare to open my DMs. My pending messages are piling up and I can’t open them. What used to bring me joy and pride has become very bad for me. I hate to quit but I absolutely have to.
Not to mention… How can I sell if I can’t smell anything? Haha.
I want to thank every single one of my followers. I always found it so flattering that so many people wanted to see me.
I want to thank my fellow sellers. What great company I’ve been in. Everyone has been so supportive and I just loved the comradery.
And above all, I want to thank my customers. I don’t even know where to begin here. I wrote on my website, after only selling for about three months, that I’ve been so lucky to have such so wonderful customers, and I can still say that with absolute honesty. I really have been so lucky to have such wonderful customers. I value every one of you and thank you sincerely. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I’m keeping a few of my sites up, so I will keep my Twitter queue active, and it will post for me every day. I understand if I lose followers, but you may want to stick around – *if* I ever find my happy again, I’ll probably be back 🙂
March 1 2021